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He might want to end the relationship, and his feelings would be valid. not take the risk of becoming someone who has to have a slightly harder dating life, because of the stress of disclosing to judgmental people like myself.Unfortunately, all that DTBA can do is acknowledge her mistake, make herself vulnerable, and accept his reaction.” “But whatever happens, she doesn’t deserve to be alone,” they said. They did the right, honest thing, and now they’re getting punished for it. Have I perpetuated the stigma of having herpes because I’m scared of ending up in the “life is harder now” group?And as much as I wanted to think that I was totally non-judgmental about it, my reaction when I was diagnosed told me that wasn’t the case.Because even as someone who truly believes that STIs should be destigmatized, I’ve still internalized the messages that society sends about those of us that have them.“We all make mistakes, and we all have the opportunity to do better.” I’m a 24-year-old bisexual female, and the new person I’m dating just disclosed their HSV-2 status. Herpes isn’t dangerous, it’s usually not even symptomatic, and the social stigma (the chances of someone like ME saying no) is the worst part. I shared your letter with Momo and Felix, HARM, and they wanted to respond to you individually.I really like them and was all set to get intimate with them. But first a quick download: Herpes is caused by two different viruses: HSV-1 and HSV-2.But after doing my research and contemplating, I decided that I’d rather contract HSV than feed into the stigma.I don’t expect everyone to share the same feelings as me, but that was my choice.
(Some risks to pregnancies and immunosuppressed people exist, and I know logically it’s not my call to determine what may be serious for someone else.) I justify nondisclosure to myself these ways, even though I know it’s not ethical. Can I just say, “Oh man, I noticed a thing and went and got tested and guess what? There’s no way I can have a relationship with this guy based on trust going forward, is there? You didn’t share something you should’ve—the fact that you, like upwards of 50 percent of everyone, have herpes—but weren’t obligated to.The ability to openly share STI status is a privilege.Many STI-positive people face harassment, judgment, or rejection for their status.HSV-1 is commonly called “oral herpes” and HSV-2 is called “genital herpes,” even though both are transmitted in similar ways—vaginal, anal, and oral sex, as well as simple skin-to-skin contact—and both can cause sores on the mouth or genitals.Herpes is incredibly common: Some studies have found that more than two out of every three people have herpes.